It’s tough being a single Christian today.
Not only are you commanded to deny yourself in a world where doing so seems outrageous, but you also have to traverse an increasingly harsh dating landscape, and face discrimination from church leaders who treat marriage like it’s as important as salvation itself.
Modern talk about Christian singleness only frames it as a miserable time to endure too. And no matter how much married Christians give lip service to their single spiritual siblings, you can easily sense that you’re viewed as irresponsible, inferior, or even sinful due to your status.
It’s to the point where marriage is the only condition revered by the Church even though Scripture honors singleness as an even better state in some cases.
But that’s why I’m writing this today.
Single Christians have five awesome advantages over those who are married, and I’ll explain each of the five below.
The Single Christian’s 5 Awesome Advantages
#1: You Can Serve Without a Care
As a single Christian, your most obvious advantage is your potential for carefree service.
You can’t just up and leave when you have a spouse and a family. The time and energy you have now with less responsibility is a huge advantage.
People everywhere look for productivity hacks these days, but the biggest one of all is this: do less.
The Apostle Paul was wise to this truth centuries ago when he described single Christians as those “without care” in their service to God (1 Cor. 7:32-33).
Whether it’s serving directly at your church, spreading the gospel in other nations, or preparing yourself for future ministry, being single allows you to wholeheartedly pour your effort into God’s work. That’s why “there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven” (see Matt. 19:12).
Of course, marriage has supportive benefits and not everyone is gifted to be single for a permanent or even long period of time, but some feats just aren’t feasible when you’ve got too much on your plate.
Take me for example. Some of my most productive times writing here came during periods when I was single. Many articles required me to come home from work, eat dinner, and then write or study for hours. There was no texting back and forth with a loved one. I wasn’t planning dates with a girlfriend. And I couldn’t afford to spend my Saturdays off away from the craft.
Those are the sacrifices I and others like me have made to spread the knowledge of Christ. For some of us, this sacrifice is permanent. But even if you don’t plan on being single forever, you should still seek first the Kingdom of Heaven, and know all your needs will be met if you do (Matt. 6:33).
#2: You Can Address Hidden Sins More Effectively
The worst sins in our Christian walk are the ones that hide below the surface. They’re the ones that deceive us into thinking they’re under control and not actually problems.
One reason singleness is so difficult is because it makes many of our hidden sins more apparent:
- You’re more inclined to covet what others have and not be content in your current condition
- Your lack of self-control can lead to lust of the eyes and fornication in your heart
- And your idolization of a relationship can usurp God’s position as the focus of your life
Many single Christians believe marriage will somehow make them less sinful, but that’s not really the case.
Plenty of men (and women) foolishly treat marriage as the cure for pornography addiction for example. While it certainly helps to have a God-ordained sexual partner to help meet those desires, the self-indulgent nature of pornography is nothing like marriage. And if you’re used to that on-demand high, even the best Christian spouse will disappoint you.
The best time to address sins like that and the ones above are actually when you’re single. Otherwise, you’ll negatively affect someone you love by bringing avoidable sins into the relationship.
Addressing those faults is easier said than done, but sometimes, having a spotlight on your sin actually helps.
All of us are more likely to address problems that are obvious. We need mirrors in our face reminding us of the flaws we currently have.
The purpose of the Mosaic Law in Scripture was to make God’s people aware of their sinful condition and their need for supernatural help (see Rom. 7:7-13 NIV). Your circumstance as a single Christian might be doing the same thing.
#3: You Can Focus on Spiritual Growth
You know why reading the Bible in a year is such a common goal even though it takes nowhere near that long to do?
It’s because people aren’t focused.
This isn’t simply a modern problem caused by social media or doom-scrolling though. Martha literally had Jesus in her house and thought kitchen chores needed more attention (Luke 10:38-42).
People have a tendency to heed every distraction in their environment—even if a much more important task demands focus.
Now I wouldn’t call a spouse or a family a distraction per se, but as we saw earlier, the reality is that those responsibilities deter your spiritual focus. And Paul used this truth to support his view of why Christian singleness is preferable to marriage:
I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. (1 Cor. 7:32-35 ESV; also see 1 Cor. 7:6-8 ESV)
It’s worth noting that Paul’s words here are not a command. Being single or married isn’t inherently a matter of sinning. But the point here is that relationships divide your focus.
Sanctification, or the process of becoming more Christlike, is a long and continuous process that requires your own effort with the Holy Spirit’s guidance. And the easiest time to invest in this growth is when you’re alone:
- That’s when you can go to your room and pray to God for hours.
- You can study full books of the Bible uninterrupted on a Tuesday evening.
- And you can read a 5500-word article from a theology nerd to better understand difficult doctrines.
The potential for spiritual growth is incredible when you’re single. So use this time now to keep your focus undivided.
#4: You Can Improve More Easily in Practical Areas
Being desperate for a relationship typically makes you a poor match for the kind of person you desire.
You can spend so much time clinging to an idea of the future that you neglect practical skills that will make your life—and your potential marriage—much more enjoyable.
The image of being unequally yoked in Scripture directly points to why relationships between Christians and non-Christians don’t work, but that imagery also shows how other mismatches affect relationships.
Sure, a person’s faith is the main concern Christian singles should consider for a partner, but it’s not the only one. Personal faith in Christ doesn’t entitle you to a spouse after all.
Things like job status, physical fitness, personal grooming, and financial health all influence compatibility. You still need to address practical areas like those in order to be an attractive partner. And the easiest time to do so is when you’re single.
It’s tough to improve your grades for example if your girlfriend wants to go out with you every night. It’s hard to get in shape when your husband keeps buying those sweets he knows you love too.
Yes, you can address issues like those through proper communication, but that’s additional work needed to get on the same page.
You don’t have to take extra steps like those when you’re single. The ability to make decisions without consulting or convincing others is an advantage you need to make the most of now.
#5: You Can Choose a Godly Partner
If you don’t want to be single forever, you have the final benefit here of choosing a godly spouse. An unmarried Christian has the unique opportunity to think wisely about who they date and search for good qualities of a biblical partner.
You won’t get a second chance to choose a spouse if you treat marriage the way God does. Barring a short list of specific events, your marriage choice is locked in once you make a commitment. That’s why you should cherish your current opportunity.
There are plenty of Christians who made unwise decisions about who they wed:
- There’s the husband who didn’t know his wife only professed the faith of her parents.
- There’s the wife who was so enamored by her husband’s jawline that she overlooked his inability to provide.
- And let’s not forget that some people became Christians after they were married.
In cases like the ones above, Scripture tells believers to stay in their marriages (unless the unbelieving partner leaves first—see 1 Cor. 7:12-13 and 1 Cor. 7:15). All those situations create suboptimal relationships, yet the Bible instructs those people to endure them patiently.
You have a chance to avoid that.
Look for traits of a genuine and mature Christian. Avoid people living hidden promiscuous lives. And most of all, ask God to help you find a spouse who truly is the helper you desire.
Make the Most of Your Current Status
As you can see, Christian singleness doesn’t have to be a bleak experience.
Both the Bible and practical life show that Christian singles have encouraging advantages—five of which are below for review:
- You Can Serve Without a Care
- You Can Address Hidden Sins More Effectively
- You Can Focus on Spiritual Growth
- You Can Improve More Easily in Practical Areas
- You Can Choose a Godly Partner
Like the faithful servants in the Parable of the Talents, we should all make the most of our circumstances.
Every believer is called to spiritual maturity—whether we’re married or not—so keep your focus on God and His provision regardless of relationship status.
Being single doesn’t make you better or worse than any other Christian, but it does come with advantages you can use to honor God.
Use those benefits you have now to make Him even more proud, and you’ll likely find someone else who’s happy to claim you too.
-Drew
A lot of the time, people say that being single is good because you can devote yourself more fully to God. And when you’re dating or married, you, apparently, can’t do that. A lot of this comes from 1 Corinthians 7:32-35. Paul basically says here that an unmarried person is devoted to the Lord and not distracted by the needs of his spouse. This is then interpreted by some to mean that a person can do “more ministry” as a single.
I don’t think that’s what Paul says here. I mean, if that’s the case, why are all the pastors and church elders typically married? Did they make a mistake? Is marriage getting in the way of their ministry? What Paul says here, I believe, is that if you AREN’T distracted by the desire for marriage, then MAYBE you have the gift of singleness.
I do agree that marriage something you have to prepare for. ingle you will be the married you, unless you make an effort to change. If you’re not financially stable, can’t provide for a family, don’t have your own place to live, don’t have a well-paying job, etc., etc., well……none of this will help you if you want to marry, nor will it make a wise partner WANT to date or marry you. Nor will it win over your partner’s family.
And, of course, in English, “distracting” has a negative connotation, so we often bring that into play when reaching this passage. But it seems more like Paul might have merely been making the elementary observation that marriage, or the search for marriage, can place more demands on your time and attention than the life of someone who is genuinely content with being single (like Paul was) But, of course, Paul said that not everyone IS like him, a single man content with being single.
You also mention Matthew 19:12, but this verse is talking about people who CHOOSE to stay single. Not every Christian who’s single is single because they chose that. Like you said, not everyone’s gifted to be single for a lifetime.
You also mention that we should “seek first the Kingdom of Heaven.” Well, yes, I think we all know that I fet that this is well-meaning, but, if you’re a Christian single, it’s not really all that helpful. Sometimes it’s a bit condescending, too. “Remember singles, your number one priority is God.” Wow, thanks! I didn’t know that! (lol). If you’re married, guess what your number one priority is? Oh, right. God. Hahaha!
I mean, sure, we don’t want to become unhealthily “obsessed” with looking for a spouse, but I do actually think that, if you’re, say, 25 or older and still single, you should probably put some serious effort into it. It’s probably not going to “just happen.” It’s not a sign of “weak faith” to take action. Isn’t it IN acting that our faith is proven? Yes, we need to do it with God. But we still need to DO it. Haha.
I think we sometimes have bad motives for leaving situations in “God’s hands.” For example, we’re scared to make the first move, we don’t like dealing with rejection, we don’t like dealing with our own insecurities or shortcomings, or we don’t like dealing with our fears. And, of course, as Christians we often just over-spiritualize everything. That’s how we get to places where we think things like “It’ll happen when God wills it.” Of course, none of this stuff is helpful if you’re still single at, say, 25 or older. I mean, if we’re on a job search, we don’t approach it that way, now, do we? Or goals like, say, weight loss.
You also mention that, as a single person, “You’re more inclined to covet what others have and not be content in your current condition.” When you’re a single Christian who longs for romance/marriage you can sometimes get accused of being “covetous” or “discontent.” I don’t think this is all that helpful, though.
On “contentment”: Are we required to be “content” with singleness? I would say no. When you’re single, some people will try to encourage you with ideas like “this is where God has you right now.” But just because you’re currently single doesn’t mean that God wants you there. This idea is a little strange. What if I’m currently homeless, or unemployed, or being abused? Are those things happening because “God wants me there”? Should I be “content” with those situations? Often people teach this sort of idea when they talk about singleness.
The funny thing is that it actually seems counter to what Paul actually says in 1 Corinthians 7. What Paul says is that if you are single and not content….then go get married. Isn’t that interesting? Just because something’s happening in your life doesn’t mean it’s a “gift from God.”
Sometimes, as a single Christian, people will tell you that you have to “learn contentment” before you get married. I don’t understand this, though. I mean, if you’re striving to be content in order to be “ready” or “good enough” to find a spouse, well, that’s not really good, is it? Isn’t that somewhat dishonest? If I’m trying to become “content” so that I can get married…..well, then I’m not really content, am I? And what about the young couple that dates in high school and then gets married at 21? Were they content in singleness first? I’m gonna say no. Why didn’t God have to make all the young couples single longer so that He could teach them “contentment”? If people were able to find true “contentment” with being single, why bother getting married?
I mean, what if if you’re currently homeless, or unemployed? Should you “learn contentment” in those situations, or do things to escape them?
On “covetousness”: When you’re a Christian single who’s open about your desire for marriage, you can sometimes get accused of being “covetous.” However, how does God define “covetousness”?
See Exodus 20:17: “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”
God doesn’t define coveting as simply wanting something that you don’t already have. Or wanting something that some person in the world already has. I mean, if that were the definition of “coveting,” then no one could ever want anything without violating this commandment.
In God’s definition of coveting in Exodus 20:17, we can see that coveting always involves “your neighbor,” person that you know. And, the object that is coveted is something that “belongs to your neighbor.” So we aren’t guilty of coveting if we want a house or a car, but we are guilty if we want our rich friend’s mansion or our co-worker’s Rolls-Royce.
Can a single person be guilty of “coveting” marriage, then? No, because the institution of marriage does not belong ONLY to those who are married. It’s not something that they can claim as belonging only to them and nobody else. Marriage belongs to God. It was created and instituted by him for everyone to enjoy (1 Timothy 4:1-5). So, how, exactly, can you covet marriage? It IS, however, possible for me to covet Bob Smith’s hot wife or their adorable children, because they belong to him and only him.
You also mention “idolizing marriage.” When you’re a Christian single and you openly express your strong desire for marriage, well-meaning people will often warn you about “idolatry.”
This can be kinda annoying or condescending, to be honest. It seems like every time singles express the desire, somebody will throw out the old “idolatry” warning. Or when someone writes or preaches about marriage to singles, they start with the caveat that wanting marriage is good “as long as you don’t make an idol out of it,” or something like that. I wonder how many Christians keep quiet about this desire, or minimize it, because they don’t want to hear these sorts of things.
You CAN, however, desire a romance/marriage/sex badly without making it an “idol,” though. In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul talks about people who “burn with passion,” but he doesn’t accuse them of idolatry. He encourages them to marry.
I wonder if this has any negative consequences. Can the desire for marriage really become an idol? Yeah, sure, technically, probably. But I think people can blow that notion out of proportion. It might cause some people lot of women to be tepid in their approach to marriage, and make them afraid that any amount of thinking or acting on their desire might be somehow sinful. Both, of course, have the unfortunate consequence of making marriage even less likely to happen. Isn’t that ironic?
In the Bible, when verses talk about “idols,” they’re almost always talking about physical idols, from other pagan religions. And, sure, some people can be unreasonable and put marriage and romance up on an impossible pedestal. But I don’t think most people do that; they simply have a strong desire, and they can’t help it. In Timothy 4:1-5, interestingly, Paul talks about demonic doctrines, and one of them he lists is “men who forbid marriage.” If Paul wrote the book of Hebrews, he also said that marriage something that should be honored.
Paul also wrote that “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband” (1 Corinthians 7:2). I think it’s unlikely that a godly desire for a biblical marriage would become a real idol. And biblical marriage seems to be the antidote to much of the real idolatry — “sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed” — that we see in the world.
Also, look at some biblical examples of parenthood and childlessness. I know this is a different issue from singleness, but it’s interesting to note the role of desire and emotion here. Rebekah was barren and prayed for a child. Rachel was heartbroken about her barrenness and basically demanded children from Jacob. Hannah cried bitterly and openly about her inability to have children, and Eli (after misunderstanding her) prayed for God to grant her request. These women had strong desires for good things, and they were sad when they didn’t come to pass. But they are never condemned for “idolatry.”
Another relevant story is Jephthah and his daughter. She was basically forced to remain single against her will for her whole life and she and her friends literally mourned that fact for two whole months. Nowhere in the Bible are these people condemned or criticized for “idolatry.”
People mean well when they warn singles about turning their desires into “idolatry,” but I think they can overdo it sometimes.
Hey Wesley,
I appreciate the thoughtful comment.
I can’t address everything you wrote here since your comment is about as long as my article, haha. I do want to clarify though that I was single at the time of writing this, so this isn’t a case of another married Christian telling singles to suck it up. My goal was to encourage and challenge people in my shoes, and I haven’t said anything here that I wouldn’t tell myself.
I’m well aware that marriage is a good state to be in, but the Bible does show that singleness is advantageous in some situations whether you chose the condition or not.
Paul was literally in prison when he wrote about being content in all circumstances. That didn’t mean he enjoyed his state at the time and wouldn’t change it if he freely could. It meant that he didn’t allow it to overwhelm his life and prevent him from seeing God’s goodness within it.
Contentment doesn’t mean we can’t be active in practical things. It means we’re not so desperate that we view our earthly condition as all that matters in life. There’s a difference between healthy and obsessive desire, and contentment is the difference between them.
Thanks again for reading, and God bless.
(RIP btw, you shouldn’t have gone out like that in the show.)
Hi, Drew! Yeah, thanks for clarifying that, I would agree.
And, yes, poor Wesley, he seemed like such a nice guy! Hahaha!