Yeah, I know the feeling…
They don’t love you like they used to.
Their greetings have gone silent, their messages are nonexistent, and their smiles have become sneers.
It’s one thing to never have expectations—to not know what it’s like to be in good favor. It’s another, and more soul-crushing one, to have that favor, and then lose it all.
The feeling of being liked is addictive. So when people not only leave for greener pastures, but proceed to trash yours on the way out, it’s disheartening to say the least.
It puts you back at square one. Sure, you’re more experienced now. You’re battle-tested and more mature. But to them, you’re still a failure nonetheless.
Yeah the ride was fun, but it’s over. You had your chance and you blew it. And no one could ever rise from that.
But if there’s any person who knows how to respond after a fall from grace, it’s yours truly.
I’ve been loved and I’ve been hated. I’ve been “the man” and I’ve been an outcast. I’ve been next up and I’ve been a letdown.
But there is one thing I’ve never been…and that’s a quitter.
So today, I’ll show you how to develop this same mindset. And instead of focusing on what you’ve lost, we’ll look at three ways you can respond.
#1 Accept Their Gift
Want to know the best thing to do when people turn their backs on you?
Hit up Taco Bell.
(Okay, maybe that’s a personal one…)
But you know the other thing you should always do?
Say, “thank you.”
“Thank you for taking the pressure off.”
I will never understand people’s obsession with fame. Sure, no one wants to work like a dog without getting anything in return, but being a slave to public opinion will make you feel like much less than an animal.
Complaining about being slept on, underrated, or disrespected just proves that you care about the wrong things. It means you view the public as your authority. And even if you don’t know it, your actions are tied to their validation.
That’s a pitfall anyone in the public eye has to avoid. And I’ve had to avoid it with my work too.
I’m sure some readers don’t think I post enough, or they say I’m a liar, or they try to cram me into a mold I was never meant to fit in. And you know what? That’s fine.
I serve my readers, I write what I do to help them, and I try to add as much value to their lives as possible…
…but I don’t work for them.
I only work for one Person. And He’s more concerned with who I am than He is with the work I do.
I’ve learned to accept the gift of being ignored because it frees me of expectations I never asked for.
You should do the same.
Don’t give people a false sense of authority. If they want to support you, that’s great. If they want to rule you, they can kick rocks.
#2 Hone Your Craft
Getting defensive is the worst thing you can do now.
You can’t control what people think. So there’s no point in trying.
Instead, you should focus on what you do:
- If you’re a musician, make music.
- If you’re an artist, make art.
- If you’re an athlete, make…well, you get the idea.
This focus is what separates great work from the mediocre. So it’s no surprise that most improvement happens away from the spotlight.
Most people don’t understand this though.
They’re quick to complain about “negativity” when they receive fair criticism. They crave the attention, and the rewards, and the success—and they think they deserve them now.
They forget that “not yet” is just as valid as a “yes” or “no” answer. But it is, so you have to wait. Not wait as in “do-nothing-and-hope-to-improve-out-of-nowhere,” but actively wait.
You need to self-assess in the meantime, analyze your weaknesses, and improve a little each day.
Just do everything you can to be ready for the next opportunity.
It’s easy to improve when you have a short memory. So forget your past, and look forward to your next chance.
#3 Build Your Tribe
People who actually love you—that is, you the person—won’t leave as soon as things go wrong. So if everyone around has neglected you, you need some real ones in your life.
I know making friends and forming bonds is much easier said than done, but if you take a look around, you’ll quickly find that you’re not alone.
This world is full of people who have something to prove. Yes, they failed, disappointed, and made mistakes just like you did. But you know what? They keep going.
They don’t let public opinion define them because they know how fickle public opinion is. And these are the type of people you need around.
You are not your work. You are not your mistakes. And you are not a machine.
If you find people who recognize that, hang onto them. Their input is more valuable than the hundreds or thousands of people who turned away.
You know why?
Because they know you.
I actually just finished texting friends I made on Youtube years ago. You know why?
Because they know me.
To them, I’m not a failed Youtuber, or an inconsistent blogger, or some religious zealot…
I’m just Drew.
They know me. I know them. And we’re still friends no matter what.
That’s what you want, man.
Stop dwelling on the opinions of people who don’t know you.
Who cares if they show love or not? If you build a tribe first, it won’t matter either way.
Turn Your Nightmares Into Dreams
And there you have it.
Most people don’t have the fortitude to withstand a change in public perception. But now that you know how to respond, all you need is the follow-through.
So accept their gift, hone your craft, and build your tribe.
If you do all that, the results might make you think you’re sleeping too.
-Drew
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