Why You Should Care Less

I love the internet.

Sure it’s a cesspool of some of the worst filth humanity can imagine, but if there’s one thing the internet does do right, it’s that it toughens you up.

Talk to anyone who’s produced content online, and they’ll tell you that one of the most important skills they developed was knowing when to ignore people.

Because in the real world, you generally hear criticism only when you’ve messed up. But on the web, the well-documented actions of trolls will show you that no one is safe—even if you’ve done nothing wrong.

A Test of Strength

They say that if you want to know a person’s strength, you should take note of what offends them. And if that’s the case, we all have room for improvement.

In a perfect world, people would understand how their words affect others and decide to speak wisely, but as you know by now, this world is far from perfect. So instead of worrying about how people should act, you need to prepare for when those expectations aren’t met.

And going back to my talk of the internet, I’ll show you a perfect example of how to do this:

When I first started uploading to YouTube, I had one subscriber who always left the most annoying comments on my videos. It didn’t matter how well I edited my clips, researched my information, or even presented an opinion, this guy was always there to prove me wrong.

Soon it got to the point where my comment section looked like this:

• After 2 weeks of testing, I’ve found the perfect… “No, you forgot about…”
• The [blank] could really use an improvement… “It’s fine if you know what you’re doing”
• I think this is the best way to… “You are so wrong”

I thought this guy subscribed just to tell me how awful I really was. And every time I uploaded, his comments were there without fail.

I didn’t see consistency like that from people who actually enjoyed my videos then. So seeing backlash every time I put something up was disturbing.

Now I didn’t want to block this dude—he was giving me free views after all—but I could feel my heart sink after reading every one of his comments. So eventually, I fought back. But what began as me posting logical responses to his comments turned into pages of debate that would have made my high school English teacher proud.

Did I give composed responses to all of his ramblings? Yes. Was I respectful in how I worded my answers? Of course. Did anything change for the better? I think you know the answer to that.

Conventional wisdom would say I was the good guy here. I had every reason to believe I was right, and it was my duty to force someone to believe me if they didn’t agree.

But that only gave me the appearance of standing on high ground while my comment section was in ruins.

So what did that teenage version of me learn to do?

Nothing.

I literally learned to do nothing. I took a look at his comment, tried to see things from his perspective, and then went along with my day. And the times I chose not to ignore his comments, I would only say “that’s interesting” or “I never thought about it that way”.

That was it.

No debate in the comment section. No hurt feelings. No…anything.

But what’s funny is that this guy became one of my most loyal viewers after that change. And soon he wasn’t just leaving supportive comments on my videos, but also on the social media sites I used to promote my work.

I don’t know what his deal was then, but it was like he was testing me to see how long I would take him—and by extension, myself—too seriously.

You’re Both Guilty

And that brings me to the whole point. When you allow yourself to be offended, you’re proving two things:

1.  You take yourself too seriously (a.k.a. pride)
2.  You take others too seriously (a.k.a. fear)

It may seem like the other person is the one at fault, but you’re only adding to the problem if you let them offend you.

Remember that no one holds their tongue all the time—we’ve all said something bad about others. So there’s no need to care so much about what people say.

Yes, they probably are at fault, but that doesn’t mean you have to prove how wrong they are. Because frankly, it doesn’t matter how right you are or how much good you’ve done, there will always be someone who doesn’t agree.

So instead of expecting others to respond the way you think they should, become your own worst critic and check if you’ve done something wrong. And after that, lighten up. Laugh it off when you hear the harsh words you prepared for—sometimes that’s all you can do.

But if you’d rather not listen to me, take it from someone much wiser than I’ll ever be:

Also do not take to heart everything people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. For many times, also, your own heart has known that even you have cursed others. (Ecclesiastes 7:21-22 NKJV)

-Drew