If I had to name the most important skill I developed in the last 3 to 5 years, it would be the ability to bounce back.
Having the fortitude to not only recover from a devastating experience, but to go on and thrive afterwards is a lost art in today’s coddled world.
Sure no one wants to be in a position where they have to recover, but life is too complex and unpredictable to guarantee that you’ll always be safe. That’s why you have to prepare for when your back’s against the wall before it actually gets there.
I’ve unfortunately learned how to do this through experience. And I know how difficult it is to be on an island after a life-changing mistake. But hopefully you can use what I learned from my experiences to come back from whatever you’re dealing with.
So here are 20 actions you can take to bounce back even better than before:
#1 Pray
The first thing I do when I face a challenge I can’t handle is pray.
I know that’s not the scientific answer you’re probably looking for, but I’ve seen too much to deny the power of prayer.
It’s beyond comforting to know that God hears the prayers of a nobody like me. And this comfort has led me to develop confidence in the most dire of situations.
So take it from a guy who’s been there, prayer works.
#2 Focus on the Present
You can never change the past.
The past is over, done, finished. You have to move on.
Today is a new day, and every day afterwards is a chance to put the past further behind.
Find a mission and get to work on that. Do the best you can at your job or at school. Make the best out of every opportunity each day presents.
The present is the only time you can make changes that affect the future. So don’t waste it looking back.
#3 Keep an Eye on the Future
Time heals even the worst of wounds. That fact alone should give you hope.
Our emotions may overwhelm us in the moment, but keeping an eye on the future will help you stay even.
The consequences of your actions may be unbearable now, but trust me, it won’t last. Endure until you’re strong enough to move past it.
I know how tough it is to just be told to wait it out, but sometimes that’s really all you can do.
Rest assured that the future won’t always be like the present. So stay strong until you get there.
#4 Find Support
Everyone loves an underdog story.
We love to watch losers overcome incredible obstacles. We love it so much that we’re willing to help people no matter how bad they failed—just as long as they change for the better.
You need to embrace the people who want to help.
I know I preach the benefits of individuality a lot here, but being alone is painful.
Humans are social creatures. No matter how strong we are or how much we fight that, it’s still true. We weren’t meant to be alone.
So find the people who will give you another shot. Just be ready to do the same for them.
#5 Ignore and Delete
If you thought making everyone like you before was hard, good luck doing that now.
The truth is that some people won’t be as forgiving as others. Many of them will write you off without thinking twice about it. And no matter how much good you do or how likeable you become afterwards, there will always be someone with a critical opinion.
But understand that it’s just that: an opinion.
You need to become deaf to it all. If they don’t know who you are and they’re not willing to look beyond the surface, ignore them. Their words mean nothing to you.
Lockdown your social media, or better yet, go ahead and delete every app you don’t need.
You’ll hear enough whispers in real life. You don’t need to see that stuff online.
#6 Get Your Rest
I used to be one stubborn dude (and depending on who you ask, I still am).
I always stayed up late as a teenager and I challenged myself to see the crack of dawn as much as I could.
I’m not sure if it was a curiosity thing, like I thought I was missing out on something, or if it was me acting rebellious towards the conditioning I received as a kid. But nowadays I make sleep a priority. And you should too, especially with the added stress of what you’re going through.
I’m almost always in bed by 10 PM now. And I cut off any work I have 2 hours before so I can unwind and prepare for the day ahead. There’s usually nothing worth watching past ten anyway, and the quality of my reading and writing declines towards the end of the day. So I don’t fight my body anymore.
Make sleep a priority. Get 8 hours every night. It really does make a difference.
#7 Own It
Want to know the quickest way to earn people’s respect?
Own your mistakes.
Yes it may have been your fault, but one action does not define you. The sooner you realize that, the sooner other people will too.
Whenever you fall, admit your mistake and stand right back up. You don’t have to walk with a limp, you don’t need crutches, and you don’t have to drag your feet. Just get up and walk.
If anyone has a problem with that, let them work it out on their own. There’s no need to purposefully be the villain, but if that’s all people think of when they see you, it’s not your job to change their opinion.
The only things you can control are your actions and your thoughts. So own what you did and commit yourself to doing better. Don’t try to control others.
#8 Add a Dash of Humor
Forgive my lack of scientific reasoning again, but there has to be a correlation between humor and hardship.
The best comedians have always faced tough times. And it’s easy to see why that link exists.
You have to develop a sense of humor to get through this. How else do you laugh when everything around you is in shambles?
Humor cuts tension. It’s disarming and contagious. Humor brings people from all walks of life together. You need that.
Even the roughest of people will tell you that sometimes, we all just need a laugh.
#9 Treat Yourself
I’m sure Dairy Queen loved it when I got in trouble.
I went over there a few times to treat myself when everything around me was hostile, and it helped. Ice cream and Oreos has a way of making you forget your problems.
Find a way to treat yourself when you mess up. It’s easy to get too critical, especially when everyone’s waiting for you to do it again. But when you’ve made an obvious mistake, there’s no need to beat yourself down about it.
Get some ice cream, go to the spa, go shopping. Treat yourself with whatever you don’t deserve.
No, you don’t want to go overboard here—this is a treat, not a habit—but give yourself something to look forward to. You’ve probably dealt with enough vitriol by now.
#10 Treat Others
The easiest way to get down on yourself now is to only think about yourself.
Move past the woe-is-me attitude and reach out to others.
Everyone expects you to be depressed right now. They expect you to sit in the corner and lick your wounds.
Don’t do that.
Pick yourself up and do something special for others.
Make them laugh. Help them with their work. Keep them from experiencing the pain of whatever you went through.
There’s always a place for cheerful givers. So think about what you can give today.
#11 Analyze and Learn
The worst thing you can do in times like these is to sweep memories under the rug.
Sure you don’t want to dwell on the past, but you do want to use it as learning experience.
How could you have handled the situation differently? What was going on in your life that could have caused it? How can you prevent this mess from happening again?
The first incident is a mistake. But if it goes on, that’s behavior. Don’t let your errors become character issues.
#12 Smile
There’s something special about people who take the worst life has to offer and still find a way to smile. It’s so special that heroic would be the better description.
Smiles don’t just show happiness, they show that you’re unfazed by anything that tries to take that happiness away.
So crack a smile for even the smallest of reasons, and watch how quickly it spreads to everyone around.
#13 Cry at Home
It’s funny how we assign labels to emotions. Anger is negative, sorrow is weakness, and happiness is king.
You’re only allowed to feel a certain way if public opinion grants you permission. But that’s a childish way of thinking.
There’s nothing wrong with crying—just do it at home.
Stay strong in public, keep a straight face, and let the world know you’ve overcome the past. But take time to let it all out when you’re alone.
You can’t bottle up legitimate emotions. Ignoring them will only make it worse.
#14 Apologize (The Right Way)
Nothing annoys me more than hearing “Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!”.
No one wants to hear you apologize for every move you make. And you put other people into false positions of authority when you do so.
That’s not what I mean when I say apologize.
Don’t ever apologize because you fear someone else’s opinion. But always fess up when you’ve truly done something wrong.
Real apologies show strength by taking ownership of action, and they display humility by admitting imperfection. They’re not an expression of fear.
Know when to admit your mistakes to the right people. This isn’t about pleasing them, it’s about taking responsibility for your life.
#15 Dress Well
Respect.
Everyone wants it, but people don’t understand that there’s a prerequisite to gain the respect of others: you have to respect yourself.
And one of the best ways to show self-respect is to care for your appearance.
You might think that people who dress well are nothing but vain tryhards, and you’d be right about a lot of them, but there’s good reason to change your dress habits.
People will be more open to what you say, you’ll have more leadership opportunities, and I guess I’ll mention the glances from the opposite sex too.
You don’t have to spend money to make a difference here either. Simple stuff like ironing your clothes will help your appearance.
It’s a fact that people gravitate to those who take care of themselves. So make sure your wardrobe reflects that you do.
#16 Document Everything
Every abnormal event in your life needs to be on paper.
Get in the habit of documenting any special problems, events, or mistakes so you have a record of what happened later. There’s no need to publish anything you write, but keeping a journal of special events is a good practice.
I know it’s tough to even think about your situation now, let alone write about it, but doing this will force you to organize your thoughts and help if you find yourself in the same predicament. And if you ever decide to help others with the same problem, you’ll have material ready to go.
#17 Read
There’s nothing new under the sun.
No matter what you’ve done or how nasty the mess you’re in, I guarantee you that someone else has already been through it.
So how do you possibly find that person?
You read.
I just mentioned that you should document everything about your situation. Well chances are that someone else has already documented theirs.
Search forums, sort through Reddit, or start with a Google search. There’s no need to sit in the dark when your problem has been solved a thousand times over.
Find people you can relate to and learn from them. Always think for yourself, but use the experience of others to help too.
#18 Embrace Solitude
We’re losing an important skill in America and around the world. That skill is the ability to be alone.
I know I mentioned that you should connect with others earlier, but the reality of your situation may not allow that, so you need to learn to stand on your own.
Learn a craft you can perfect. Read a book that interests you. Find something to do on your own so your alone time is productive.
The biggest reason people hate being alone is because it bores them. Redefine solitude so it benefits you instead.
#19 Avoid the Trash
I’m going to sound like a middle school teacher here, but just say no to the trash.
Drugs, alcohol, or any other substance you’re using is off limits. And this isn’t limited to self-destructive items either.
Yes, you should still treat yourself, but some people take treats and turn them into full-on addictions.
None of that will satisfy you though. Your feelings might change for a minute or two but you’ll be back in an even bigger hole afterwards.
Own what’s going on and stand up to the challenge instead. Overcoming it will get you higher than any drug ever will.
#20 Lead
This experience might make you feel like the world is crashing down, and the truth is that things may never be the same.
But guess what? That’s rare experience you have under your belt. And you know what qualifies people to be great leaders?
Experience.
The moment that tore you down has the potential to be a stepping stool for you. But that only happens if you’re willing to see it that way.
It’s hard to lead from where you’ve never been, but you’ve been there, so stand up and find a way to lead others. Be an inspiration to everyone who expects you to fade into obscurity. Be the change agent you desperately needed before.
We’re all just people facing the challenges of life. If you can overcome the biggest challenges, and still keep your smile, you’ll be in a position to help others do the same.
Your Response is What Matters
Control what you can control.
That’s how you keep yourself from sulking in a corner and bounce back on your feet.
Your mistakes aren’t what define you in this life. Your response and behavior are.
Hopefully you’ll never be in a position to need any of this. But if you are, maybe you can help me add to the list later.
-Drew
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