“Wow…I did it again.”
That was my thought as I sat flanked by two of my aunts and with my mom seated across from me, all of us gripping the remnant of cards we were dealt.
Three cards were in play on the table, and the problem was, I had no idea which one my partner played.
The game was Spades, a staple of my family’s annual get-togethers, and that teenaged version of me had just committed the cardinal sin of neglecting the board…again.
I couldn’t help myself. How was I supposed to focus when the Celtics were playing? If anyone was to blame, it was the guy who scheduled the reunion for the same time as the playoffs.
But I knew my partner, in this case, my mom, wouldn’t accept that excuse. The “what the heck?” look on her face assured me of that.
So instead of lingering in my confused state, I tried to play it off.
I knew I had a fifty-fifty shot at the right choice. I could either…
A) Play my spade assuring that my mom and I won the book (which would be a waste if she played the high card). Or…
B) Assume she played the high card and toss one of mine that had no chance of winning.
Now I couldn’t talk across the table to confirm either choice—that’s a worse offense than board-neglect—so I went with the latter.
I threw out a flimsy club, heart, or diamond and then waited for the result. And of course, I lowered my head in shame when my aunt’s hand reached for the pile.
I don’t remember if my mom and I won enough books to reach our bid. I’m not even sure if we won that game. But I will never forget how she told me to handle a similar situation:
“Always play to win.”
Reckless or Wise?
When I first heard those words, I dismissed them as reckless. Why play to win if there’s a chance the cards could still fall in your favor?
But the reason is so simple, you can answer that question with one word:
Control.
Going back to the scenario I described, you’ll see that the option I chose, option B, can actually lead to the best case result. By playing a weak card, I’d enable my partner to win the book without sacrificing one of my strongest cards—assuming she played the high one of course.
But what if she didn’t play the high card?
Well, you get the shame of losing like I did.
So what about option A?
In that scenario, I’d play the highest card no matter what my partner played. By doing this, I’d either steal a book she had already won—while wasting a strong card in the process—or I’d cover for my partner who needed help to win the book.
Neither of these is the best case result; I still lose a powerful card either way. But this strategy lets me retain something more valuable than a card:
That’s right, it’s control.
Playing to win here ensures that even the worst outcome is a good one, whereas the other strategy will cause a shameful defeat 50 percent of the time.
So playing to win in this situation not only secures a victory, it ironically reduces the risk of playing.
When in Doubt, Be Aggressive
So why all this talk about a card game?
Well, it’s because I’m still learning how to face the unknown.
And to be frank with you, I’ve been getting my butt kicked lately.
Two of my recent post ideas fell through, my job has demanded more from me than ever, and some annoying distractions have come back to haunt me.
Times like these are when I want to relent. It’s when I wish more than anything that I could just be like everyone else.
Life has a way of beating you into submission like this—always at the most inopportune times. And for a second, I gave in.
My inspiration vanished, my vision appeared out of reach, and the wait felt far too long.
I wanted things to be easy again. I had enough work under my belt after all.
But then I remembered my mom’s advice:
“Always play to win.”
When in doubt, you play to win. No matter the circumstance, you play to win.
That’s what I had to remind myself.
The assertive move is almost always the right one. But even when it isn’t, you can easily tone the aggression down instead of forcing a ramp up later.
- So when you don’t know what to do: Play to win.
- When you make the biggest mistake of your life: Play to win.
- When all of your “friends” abandon you: Play to win.
There is no better option. So please, make the decision easy.
Never Lost
In the morning sow your seed, and in the evening do not withhold your hand; For you do not know which will prosper, either this or that, or whether both alike will be good. (Ecc. 11:6)
Wise people don’t allow things to just happen. They put themselves in positions to succeed despite life’s randomness.
So why not take a page from their book?
Sure, you’ll never gain control of every situation. Some scenarios won’t allow you to “win” at all…
And that’s okay.
Because when you become the aggressor, nothing will feel like a loss.
-Drew
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