On Serpents, Doves, and Everything In Between: Assessing the State of HFE

So I’m not sure where to start with this one.

I don’t have a witty one-liner or a snippet of dialogue. I really don’t have much of a message at all.

I just wanna talk.

This whole experience, or journey, or whatever you call what I’m doing here has been both incredible and discouraging.

Incredible, because thousands of people have read my work. Incredible, because a younger me could never write the stuff I do now.

But it’s also discouraging because I know I’m spread too thin. I don’t have time to invest all I want into this site. Every day I’m pulled further away and it’s becoming hard to fight back.

Sure, I joke about my inconsistent posting but deep down I really do hate it. I hate it because it means I’m not doing what I’m supposed to do. Yes, I know I’m not my work, but so much of who I am is tied to it.

Writing here is fun, it’s challenging, it’s purposeful. More lives have been touched by this site than anything I’ve used my degree for.

That’s why I love HFE. I’ve given so much to this site and I’ve unfortunately missed some good opportunities because of it, but I still love it nonetheless.

Blogging is hands down the greatest art form—I don’t care what anyone says. Blogs are by far the best medium for content creation today.

Vlogs are too low-effort, and listening to voices gets old, but I will never get tired of the written word.

That’s why I’m so happy I launched HFE. It gave me the creative outlet I needed when everything else turned stale.

But this site also gave me much more than a cool side job…

It gave me a new purpose.

Like Serpents and Doves

The purpose of every post I write is to develop a specific kind of character—a type that was first coined by Jesus Himself.

It’s from a passage in Matthew’s Gospel where Jesus sends out His disciples. And at one point, Jesus tells them to be “wise as serpents, and harmless as doves” (Matt. 10:16).

The disciples had to be shrewd to avoid the dangers of a hostile audience, but also innocent so that their message would endure without blame.

They were to take the good features of a snake—and yes, snakes do have good features—and combine them with the purity of a dove.

The similes Jesus used help describe this paradoxical character. And the idea also makes for a good general application—which is why it’s the principle behind everything I post.

Each post here is designed to make you wise to the world and the people in it, but also to encourage blameless behavior. I want readers to be aware of the problems around them without succumbing to those issues themselves.

That’s the purpose of this site.

My goal has always been to build others up—through both my words and my example. And I think my writing has done this for many people.

But I am far from finished now. Because I know there’s so much more in the plan.

The Metamorphosis

I post here sometimes sounding like I have it all figured out, but I don’t man. I really don’t.

I’ve been promised things that reality has yet to fully confirm, and it’s frustrating. In a sense, I already know what’s coming, but then again, I don’t.

I’ve had to play this whole thing by ear for years now. Circumstances suggest that I’m closer than ever, but that doesn’t make the wait any less difficult.

I try not to complain though, because the truth is, I’m actually in a great spot. Lots of people would love to be in my shoes now—despite the stuff in my past. Yet everyday I’m reminded that this isn’t it.

Not many people have the privilege of knowing what they were created for—of knowing what they were created to be—but I do, and what I am now isn’t it.

All of this is just a transition, a preparation, a metamorphosis, if you will.

I was told the end before the beginning. So like I said, I already know, but I don’t.

Every day I flip-flop between working towards the future and wishing for a do-over. People may read my stuff and think I’m some arrogant know-it-all but that’s not me.

If the past few years have taught me anything, it’s that I can’t rely on myself. I am not self-sufficient. I do not “have it like that”.

The truth is that my life isn’t my own. Ever since I made that choice at six years old, my life was no longer my own. And this fact is both freeing and worrisome.

Sure, if people had all the data I have, if they knew everything I knew, they’d say there’s no reason to worry. But it’s hard to remember that when you’re actually here.

I’m just stuck in the middle right now. And every day I look back and think, “There’s no way…”

“There’s no way all this happened for no reason.”

I know there are people who need to learn what I learned.
I know there are people who are hurting like I was.
I know there are people whose mistakes left them despised, misjudged, and demonized.

That’s why I do this.

I’ve talked a lot about myself so far but this really isn’t about me. It’s about me being in the best position to serve people like you.

I’m limited in what I can do now. I’m limited in who I can be now.

But it won’t stay that way.

There’s more good that needs to be done. So it cannot stay that way.

“…And I Love You”

So now that I’ve rambled on long enough, I want to end by doing something a little different.

I want to show some love.

I usually avoid the L-word here since most people think of it as a sappy, overly-emotional, blanket of tolerance. But that’s not real love (1 Cor. 13:6 NIV).

Real love is concern for another’s well-being and wanting them to experience what’s truly good. This love isn’t so much a feeling, but a choice you can even apply to your enemies.

I don’t show this kind of love enough—not here and not in real life. But I want to change that. And right here is the best place to start.

So to the readers who keep coming back: I’m glad you’re here, and I love you.

To the creators who influenced my craft: I admire you, and I love you.

To all the people I’ve let down: I’ll keep growing, and I love you.

To the leaders I critiqued too harshly: I see how tough it is now, and I love you.

To the people who disagree with me: I respect you, and I love you.

To those who misjudge my intentions: I understand, and I love you.

To the people whose lives I’ve touched: I’m glad I could help, and I love you.

To the friends I’ve made along the way: I enjoy you guys, and I love you.

To all the teachers I’ve learned from: I’m so happy I found you, and I love you.

To the best parents I could have asked for: I commend you, and I love you.

Yes, even to my accuser: I forgive you, and I love you.