Eyes Fit for a King: 3 Steps to Avoid Pornography So You Can Do Great Things (Going Great #3)

Sexual discipline.

I covered the topic briefly in my last post, but it’s so important that I need to address its biggest threat:

Pornography is a temptation that many men (and women) know all too well.

Besides being immoral, porn threatens your sexual discipline, which in turn can ruin your focus and prevent you from Going Great.

It’s hard to do great things when your mind is consumed with lust. So instead of accepting that as the norm, this post will show you how to fight back.

I’ve gathered three practical steps you can use here to kick the porn habit for good. (And don’t worry, there’s no accountability partner required.)

The 3 Steps to Avoid Pornography

#1 Change Your Mind

The first and most important step to avoid porn is to change your mind.

Three areas require a change of perspective, and I’ll cover each below:

About Yourself

First, you need to change the way you view yourself.

I know the title says this post is about avoiding porn, but really, it’s about controlling your desire for it.

A lot of guys act like victims of pornography. They’re helpless men who can’t prevent this monstrosity from attacking them. But that’s not how temptation works.

Temptation always preys on your own desire. You are the one who wants porn so you look for ways to find it.

Yes, it’s unfortunate that porn is more accessible than ever. You don’t have to ask the cashier for a magazine while five people in line—one of whom is your neighbor—stare awkwardly at your business. But that doesn’t mean the product is the only party worthy of blame.

It doesn’t matter if it’s at the gas station, in your dad’s closet, or on the internet. Your own desire is what lures you to porn.

So instead of shifting the blame, address this desire first:

Do you really want to be free from porn?
Do you have the guts to say no when the urge comes back?
Do you want to master your body or act on instinct like an animal?

Those are the questions you need to answer.

All behavior change starts with a decision. So decide to master yourself first.

About Pornography

Porn is so accessible now that it’s gained a sense of normalcy:

Go to your social app and it’s on your timeline.
Talk to your peers and they’ll joke about it.
Watch a movie and it’s discussed on the big screen.

Pornography is ingrained in our culture now. To most people, it’s no big deal; viewing it is something they assume you do.

The culture isn’t going to help you here, so you need to form a counter-cultural view.

A good way to do this is to make an analogy, but it needs to be an accurate one.

Don’t equate porn with junk food for example. Potato chips don’t destroy relationships, kill productivity, and cause widespread immorality. That analogy is too casual about a source of real danger.

But you also shouldn’t demonize it either. That’ll bring more shame and make you hate people in the industry.

More shame won’t help you quit. In fact, it may cause you to think more like a victim. And you should still have love for all people—whether they contribute to society’s ills or not.

I think the balanced view here is to just see it as another drug. It’s a substance that gives an ounce of pleasure to mask the eventual sabotage.

You’re not really into the girl on the screen. You’re into pixels that give a dopamine high and change your whole worldview.

About Beauty

Finally, you need to change your mind about beauty.

Porn trains you to equate beauty with sexuality, but this damaging connection is a false view of the truth.

Truly beautiful women do not flaunt their sexuality. They have other attractive qualities so they don’t need to.

Female sexuality is like a God-given credit card—good when used appropriately but often abused to make its owners seem more valuable than they are.

True beauty really is on the inside. I know that’s super cliché but it’s the truth. A woman’s character is what matters most, everything else is just a plus.

Almost every girl between the age of 18 and 30 looks good. Your standards are too low if that’s all you care about.

Every time you look at porn, you lower those standards. You don’t care if she’s graceful, you don’t care if she’s intelligent, and you don’t care if she’s a hard-worker (and by hard-worker, I don’t just mean inside the gym).

”But those girls are nothing like the ones I’d seek for a relationship!”

You sure about that?

You’re gonna let porn shape your idea of what’s attractive and then somehow find a girl who’s not like that?

Even if you managed to do this, it would be unfair to her. Yeah, she’ll fit your relationship ideal, but you won’t really want her. She won’t be like the girls who your brain actually likes.

The rare woman who’s worthy of commitment deserves all of you, not just your emotions. So please change your mind about beauty before porn does it for you.

#2 Close Your Gateways

Everyone has a trigger and I’m sure you know what yours is.

So if you want to avoid addiction—and yes, repeating unwanted behavior is addiction—you need to close your gateways.

This particular step demands that you show no pity:

If you have physical copies of porn, throw them out.
If any shows you watch have nudity, cancel the subscription.
And if you follow (wannabe) Instagram models, hit that unfollow button (or better yet, just delete the whole app).

I know this sounds extreme but that stuff is a slippery slope. You start with a little of this and a little of that and then boom, you relapse.

That’s why whenever I see anything close to porn on my feed, I mute the source. And if a person continues to post that stuff, I stop following. I don’t want to see that, I didn’t ask to see that, and they disrespected me by posting it in public.

Again, you need to be ruthless here. Don’t just avoid explicit material; avoid anything that elicits a sexual response.

If your friend always makes sexual jokes, unfollow. If a girl can’t go two posts without parading her body, unfollow. And if anyone looks down on you for doing this, unfollow.

This stuff is not funny, it’s not cute, and it’s not normal. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

Doing all this will be especially tough if you’re a decent-looking guy. It’s hard enough to avoid sexual media today, but when Susie down the street goes too far, you’ll need to set her straight too.

For as much grief as men get when they make unwanted advances, you’d think there would be a similar outcry when it’s the other way around. But apparently, you’re supposed to just accept them as a gift. And if you don’t, you’re either gay, stupid, or mean.

But please don’t let empty words hurt you.

Define your boundaries beforehand, enforce them boldly, and ensure you have no chance of failure.

#3 Channel Your Drive

People don’t realize how much they forfeit when they give in to sexual desire.

They don’t just waste time and productivity; they waste their strength.

Your sex drive will naturally energize you if you control it. And if you want to avoid pornography, all you have to do is channel that energy towards a different purpose:

So try serving at your local soup kitchen.
Work on your car instead of seeing a mechanic.
Write in a journal until you’re good enough to publish.

Just do something, man.

Boredom is your enemy here. You cannot allow yourself to get bored.

If you think life is boring then that is your fault. There are too many opportunities to work, serve, and have fun. But if you’re too lazy to seek those out, that’s on you.

avoid pornography channel drive — Who knows? You might be the next big thing.

I promise, if you can abstain for just one week, you will feel like a new person. Mental clarity, creativity, and confidence will come naturally. And once you’re clean for two and three weeks, you’ll have no desire for porn.

You just need to find an outlet for your energy. So do some brainstorming, find an activity, and keep a log of how long you abstain.

Once you realize how much a disciplined drive helps, you’ll never want to indulge again.

Eyes Fit for a King

Do not give your strength to women, your ways to those who destroy kings. (Prov. 31:3 ESV)

Change your mind, close your gateways, and channel your drive.

Those are three steps you can take to cut porn out for good.

Yes, it’ll be tough at first—those steps are simple, not easy—but I know you can get to the other side.

So when the urge comes back, cherish your strength, and just remember:

You have greater things to do.

-Drew

Other Posts in the Going Great Series:

Comments

Nico Stewart says

July 28, 2021 at 7:39 PM

Drew I have a question. You quote the verse “Do not give your strength to women, your ways to those who destroy kings.” But if I am a gay man how is me watching pornography giving my strength to women. Does that mean it is not morally wrong for me to engage in those activities. Please help me understand.

- Drew Shepherd says
  
  July 30, 2021 at 12:48 PM
  
  Hey Nico,
  
  So there’s a few things to explain here.
  
  For one, that verse is part of a larger Bible passage in Proverbs that shows guidance given from a mother to her son (who was a literal king). The context of that verse obviously isn’t talking about internet porn since it didn’t exist at the time, but the idea of avoiding certain women and sexual temptation is still relevant today. And I included the verse because that idea is what this whole article is about.
  
  Now as far as what’s moral and what’s not, I’m a Christian who relies on the Bible to determine that. Scripture makes it clear that any form of pornography is immoral, so that’s what I believe to be true.
  
  Finally, because I do have a Christian worldview, I don’t normally write with other sexual preferences in mind. I always assume that men are interested in women, and women are interested in men. Homosexuality is a topic that goes way beyond the scope of this article and I’ll have to cover my views on it more thoroughly in the future, but I think what I’ve said so far should answer your question.