How to Conquer Depression Part 2: The 4,000 Word Ultimate Guide

I said I would show you my “how” and here it is.

This is my guide to conquer depression with practical advice you can use right now.

Just make sure you commit to making this change, because none of this will help without your own time and effort.

And remember, if someone as broken as I was can comeback from this, there’s no doubt you can too.

Use the links here to navigate between each section and go straight to what you want to see:

• Check Your Source
• Master the Reframe
• Thoughts on a Page
• The Fundamentals
• The Power of Words
• Embrace What Others Hate
• Keep Your Thoughts on a Leash

(Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you decide to follow the links and make a purchase, I will receive a small commission from the item(s) at no extra cost to you.)
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Check Your Source

You know what’s more depressing than actually being depressed?

Doing a Google search on how to beat depression.

(I know that’s ironic if you got here through Google but hear me out anyway.)

Back when I was dealing with this, and even now when I compare my tips with others, I realized that most people who gave advice were victims who told how to live with the problem. They didn’t have solutions that came from actually solving it.

It was like an unemployed person telling you how to survive without a paycheck instead of showing you how to get a job.

The first page of Google showed me posts telling me to be patient so my situation might change. They told me that I should go watch a heartwarming movie. Or maybe drink tea every morning to bring me peace.

Are you serious?

You’re telling someone who feels lower than the dirt underneath your fingernails that tea is somehow gonna help?

It was pathetic. You could see the struggle laced all throughout their words.

Even when I was in that place, I knew better than to listen to those still stuck where I was trying to leave.

So remember that if the person you’re listening to still sounds broken, they haven’t conquered anything yet.

But keeping that in mind, you should also avoid another group. That group is the tough love crew—with an emphasis on the tough part.

They’ve either…

A) Never faced what you’re dealing with. So they’ll treat you like less of a person because they can’t show understanding.

Or…

B) They have been through this, but they overcompensate for their former weakness by giving bogus “man up” advice.

It’s people like that who keep you from starting meaningful discussions about what’s going on.

The good news is, you have one person here who’s dealt with your problem and found real solutions—not just gimmicks to treat symptoms. So follow this guide and only take additional advice from people who have done what you want to do. Otherwise, you’ll set yourself up for failure.
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Master the Reframe

You can often trace depression back to the thoughts you decide to dwell on. If you focus on your failures for example, you’ll view life through a darker lens than someone who focuses on the good.

It’s always possible to find good in any situation, whether controllable or uncontrollable. And reframing is how you do that.

So what is reframing? It’s simply changing your view of a situation to the most positive outlook.

We can look at the classic glass-half-full example to see reframing in action. The person who reframes will see the glass as being half full, whereas a person who doesn’t will see the glass as half empty.

All you’re doing is taking your circumstances and looking at them from a better angle.

If you’re dealing with a controllable problem, it’s best to use your reframe as a starting point for action. And if you have an uncontrollable problem, you look for learning points, opportunities, and the overall big picture.

So here’s a different example: Let’s say you lose your job.

You can do like most people and worry about your money. You can hold a grudge against your boss. Or you might complain that it wasn’t fair and refuse to search for work.

But all of those are terrible perspectives. Reframe them instead:

• You can’t control the fact that they let you go, but you can ask the company why it happened.
•  You can use the loss as motivation to change your work ethic.
• And you can view it as more time to spend with your family now while forming a list of potential interviews for later.

Reframing alone won’t solve your problems, but it will keep you from dwelling on things outside your control.

Just make sure you base your reframe in reality. Don’t act like you’ve risen above the job you had after you’ve lost it.

You may very well have a better opportunity out there. But there’s no need to build a false ego. If you take a loss, learn from it and move on. No one is above anything.

When you base your reframe on a false truth, all you’re doing is deluding yourself. And doing that will cause more issues than the original problem did.

But anyway, that’s reframing in a nutshell. It’s easy to understand yet tough to master.

So if you’re new to this, it’s a good idea to start small with the daily problems in life. Those will prepare you for the harder challenges you face later on.

Remember that there is always a bright spot in any problem, but you have to find it first.

Creativity really is one of the pillars of a strong mindset. So make sure you always see the big picture.
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Thoughts on a Page

Many people who deal with depression live inside their heads—they think much more than the average person. And if you think that much, you need to read and write.

I’ll focus on writing in this section.

Writing is just putting thoughts on a page. It’s taking your train of thought and organizing it to make sense. And it’s the organization part of writing that’s so therapeutic.

That’s because many of us don’t notice the quality of our thoughts until they’re staring us in the face. And when we do see them, we’re surprised by what they say.

That’s the biggest reason why I recommend you write on a consistent basis. You don’t have to publish anything—that’s not the point here. The point is to get your thoughts in front of you so you can analyze them.

Now the best tool for this is, you guessed it, a journal. And no, not one where you talk about how cute your crush is. You need to be very specific in how you use this to get results.

The first thing to do is write down all of what you’re thinking. You have to dump everything out your brain before you piece it back together.

This journal will be for your eyes only. So feel free to write about anything here.

Write down all the thoughts that dominate your mind no matter how dark they may be. Do that until you can’t think of anything else and then take a step away.

After doing that, you’ll feel relief—like you threw off a heavy burden.

Wait a few minutes and then come back to look at it all. When you see your thoughts in front of you later, you’ll realize that many of them were irrational, and you’ll wonder how you let them float around in your head for so long.

Everything else you wrote will have an underlying theme to it. You may be dealing with self-esteem issues, thoughts of inferiority, or a general disappointment that you allow to hold you back.

Once you find that theme in your words, trace it to a problem that’s either controllable or uncontrollable.

After that, reframe your perspective and create an action plan.

This whole process will force you to organize your thoughts and control your thinking patterns. But make sure you write all this by hand to get the best results.

For an idea of how this would work, let’s take a look at my story to see how I would use this strategy:

First, I would write about my situation like I did in Part 1.

Then I would walk away and come back to the journal later. After coming back, I would scratch out anything crazy like self-harm or suicide. Then I would see my underlying theme—failure to meet expectations.

From this point, I would reframe my problems and make a plan to work with what I had.

Then I would write down whatever I chose in the end. And that would leave me with a before and after picture of where I was at. I could then come back to my journal if I ever struggled with the same issue again.

This brain dump process is one of the best tools to evaluate your thoughts. I’ve used it plenty in my own journal but now the process is automatic. I just do it my head.

But until you get to that point, take note of this process and apply it to whatever you’re going through.

I’ve put all the steps below:

1. Write your dominating thoughts
2. Step away for a while
3. Come back and analyze what you wrote
4. Cross out irrational thoughts
5. Find the theme
6. Determine the problem
7. Reframe the problem
8. Write your action plan

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The Fundamentals

Look at any great NBA player and you’ll see that they all have one thing in common: they’ve mastered the fundamentals.

Sure, some of them have insane physical gifts, but for every great player with a physical advantage, there’s a hundred athletic freaks who didn’t make the cut.

Guys like Jordan, Magic, and Kobe all performed moves that made people’s mouths drop. But when you look closely, you’ll see that those moves are only additions to basic parts of the game.

Those guys would have never been the players they were by building on what looked cool or felt right. They built upon the right moves no matter how old, boring, or tedious they were.

And building your mindset works the same way. You have to build on fundamental truths, no matter how harsh they may be.

One of the hardest pills to swallow is that the world isn’t obligated to care about your loneliness. The world isn’t obligated to care for your feelings. And it’s not obligated to care for how special you think you are.

You are responsible for your emotional state.

Now I know that’s tough to hear, especially if you’ve never had to humble yourself like this before. But once you learn to care for your own emotional needs, you can move on to what the world always cares about—value.

It doesn’t matter what failures you have, how much money you make, or even what you look like. The world always cares about what you’re willing and able to give.

I know I didn’t understand that during my rough years, and you may not understand it now, but it’s true. So instead of always searching for what you can get, find ways you can give to others instead. And guess what will happen when you do?

People will want to be around you. Money won’t be a problem. A stranger will see that some people do care.

Stop worrying about what you want, and focus on what others need. Become someone who willingly gives to others and your own needs will be more than taken care of.
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The Power of Words

Remember how I said you should read and write? Well now we’re at the reading part.

Reading has been so valuable to me that I feel bad for people who don’t do it—they make life harder than it needs to be. I wouldn’t know to do 50 percent of my daily actions without reading about it somewhere. I can only imagine what those people have to work with.

They don’t understand that words are powerful. That they’re life changing.

Our schools overdo it sometimes with the whole “knowledge is power” thing, but for good reason. Almost every oppressive government in history made sure to destroy one thing—books.

My point is, if you’re depressed and you aren’t reading, you don’t stand a chance.

Back when I fought depression, I felt completely alone. I thought no one could relate to me. And looking at all the people around me then, I had good reason to think so. All I could see were people laughing with their friends while I was miserable.

I had to find help from elsewhere and that’s why I started reading. I read so much back then that I kept a bottle of Tylenol next to all my material.

Through reading, I found mentors, motivators, and friends. They were people I could relate to. People who had felt like I did and found a way to rise above it.

I learned more about the world through a year of reading than I had all throughout my years of school. And most of the challenges people complain about now became simple to me.

That may sound like an exaggeration, but you have to understand the impact words can have on your character.

Whenever you read, you open your mind to a new perspective. Just like in a normal conversation.

When you expose youself to the thoughts of others, you start to change the way you think. That new thought process shapes the way you act. And those consistent actions determine your character.

And that whole process started with a little reading.

“So where should I start?”

I’m glad you asked.

I’ll give a few recommendations here, but before I do that, I need to warn you about the danger of some reading too. The process above is helpful if you read good material, but if all you take in is garbage, that’s what you’ll get out.

So with that said, here’s where you can start:

The Bible

If there was one thing that helped me the most during this time, it was getting back into my Bible. And no, that’s not me pushing an agenda. That’s me telling the truth.

Earlier I said the world doesn’t really care unless you have something to offer, but there is Someone who always cares. And reading the Bible is how you learn more about Him.

The most common version of the Bible is the King James Version (KJV), but I think it’s best to read multiple versions to get the best understanding. Two of my favorites are the New American Standard Bible (NASB) and the New King James Version (NKJV).

Some translations are definitely better than others, but if you read any of those three, you’ll be fine.

I should also mention that the Bible has been around for centuries, and scholars have spent lifetimes making it easier for readers to understand. That’s why I think it’s best to use a study version instead of one that only has the text.

I personally have a NKJV study Bible that I love. It has summaries of individual books, commentary for almost all the verses, and articles about specific topics.

Now if you’re new to reading the Bible, I’d encourage you to start with the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Those are all about Christ and the work He did that was so important.

I’ll talk more in depth about all this in the future, but you can start there if you’re new.

But getting back to my specific experience with depression, there were two books of the Bible that helped me the most.

Proverbs

He who heeds the word wisely will find good, And whoever trusts in the Lord, happy is he. (Proverbs 16:20 NKJV)

When I was kid, one of my favorite teachers bragged on the book of Proverbs all time, and those memories stayed with me years later. So when I decided to get back into the Bible, it was the first place I went.

Practical wisdom fills the pages of Proverbs, and that wisdom is still relevant for people today. The book covers everything from communication, financial planning, and even dealing with the opposite sex.

Proverbs differs from many of the other books of the Bible as it’s a collection of wise sayings, and not so much a book with a consistent subject throughout. However, its general nature makes it great for application to numerous parts of everyday life.

So if you need advice for how anyone can find happiness and live a truly successful life, the book of Proverbs is one of the first places you should go.

Ecclesiastes

Maybe your depression doesn’t stem from a problem at all. Maybe it’s just a feeling of emptiness—a void you can’t fill no matter what. Well that’s what the speaker in Ecclesiastes describes here:

Therefore I hated life because the work that was done under the sun was distressing to me, for all is vanity and grasping for the wind. (Ecclesiastes 2:17 NKJV)

It’s this ability to face the harsher parts of life that makes Ecclesiastes one of my favorite books of the Bible.

While the book is similar to Proverbs as it also contains guidance for practical living, the author focuses more on a big picture view of life itself. And while I wouldn’t call it a feel-good read, the author eventually describes how to find true purpose and live life to the fullest.

So check it out when you get the chance. People could save years of wasted time by reading Ecclesiastes and following its instruction.

Other Reading

I’m sure it’s clear that the Bible is the Book I hold above all others. That’s because the Bible doesn’t just inform—it transforms.

I do read a lot of other material though, but I can’t recommend everything I read in good conscience. I’m mature enough in what I believe to filter out what I know is wrong, but you may not be, and I don’t want to lead you down a wrong path.

I would recommend some stuff in the thinking genre here, but the more I read, the more I notice that most of the material is either just motivational or an over-complicated course on reframing. And if it’s neither of those, it’s usually downright delusional.

How to Win Friends and Influence People

One book that did help me though was How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Many readers consider it a classic and most people have already heard of it, but if you’re struggling to find detailed advice about forming better relationships, this is a great place to start.

I’m the furthest thing from a social butterfly and I’ve never been good at making friends out of strangers, but this book helped me get an understanding of how to become a somewhat likable person.

The book includes actionable advice in every chapter. And there’s one principle that forms the basis of all the techniques described in the book—think of others before yourself.

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So that’s all I got for reading now. I know it’s not much, but it’s better to keep the recommendations short so you can focus on actually reading.

And oh yeah, I’ll keep posting to this site too.
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Embrace What Others Hate

I don’t know when it became cool to tout vacation as the best part of your work, but I do know it’s a terrible trend on the rise.

No one wants to work beyond what’s required. And even that requirement is too much for some.

But the truth is that production isn’t a burden. It’s a gift.

And you have to cherish work as the gift it is. 

Even when I was down, part of me already knew that.

That’s why I was gaming so much back then. It was something that gave me a sense of purpose when everything else was dull. My reality was still in shambles but my effort to work at something helped carry me through it all.

When I first decided to refocus on my schoolwork though, I thought I needed to prove something—like I had to show everyone that the old me had come back. But soon enough, I realized it wasn’t about that at all…

I was doing it because it was fun.

I sat in the front of classes and took notes like it was my God-given duty. If I wasn’t in class, I studied in the library. And if there was a group project, I planned the whole thing out and showed the group later.

Soon I was not-so-subtly dancing in class because it all became so effortless. My classmates probably thought I was crazy—in fact, I know they did—but I finally had purpose in what I was doing. I had real enthusiasm again and people picked up on it.

That’s because most people run from work. They hate it.

If you find a way to not just be good at what you do, but actually enjoy it, depression will be a thing of the past.
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Keep Your Thoughts on a Leash

If you don’t get anything outta this post, at least pay attention here.

Every section in this guide—and the process of beating depression in general—revolves around controlling your thoughts.

You may need to change your view of the mind for that to happen, so think about it this way:

For all the dog owners out there, do you let your dog mindlessly bark at you for as long as it wants?

Of course not.

Yeah you love your dog, but you have to discipline it. Good masters make their pets act within certain boundaries of behavior. And you have to treat your thoughts the same way.

You can’t let your head fill with blatant negativity. It’s your mind. You have to control it and make it work the way you want.

This whole guide is meant to teach you how to discipline your thought process. And once you recognize which thought patterns lead you towards a depressed mood, you have to shut them out.

I know it sounds difficult now, but those bodybuilders you see on magazine covers didn’t get that way overnight. Their form came from hours of sweat and hours of focus. It was the furthest thing from easy.

The same is true for mental strength. You have to consistently train your mind to think in beneficial ways.

And from what I’ve seen, you’re more than capable of doing that. People who are prone to depression tend to have the potential to develop the strongest minds. You just haven’t learned to control the amazing gift you have.

Yes, I know clinical depression is real and I’m not here to argue against that. I encourage you to see a professional if you need to, but I do know that it’s possible to control your thoughts. And yeah, that may make me sound ignorant, but I don’t claim to be a doctor, I’m just a problem solver.

If you think your thoughts are something you can’t control, you’ve already limited your ability to change.

I didn’t limit myself. No matter how hard things got, I knew there was a way out. And I kept fighting until I got there.

I challenge you to do the same.

Think bigger than your circumstances. Learn to control your thoughts. Don’t waste years of your life being an empty shell.

Your mind can only go where you allow it, so go out there and take it back.

I can’t wait to hear your victory story.

-Drew