How to Make Failure Think You’re Ugly, Stupid, and Worth Absolutely None of Its Time

Failure and I have a love-hate relationship.

Well, I say “relationship”, but it’s really a one-sided affair.

Failure always calls for me at the worst possible times. It pesters me to give in to it, to settle for it, to embrace it like any rational man would.

And as much as I try to stop thinking about failure, I get the same “I probably should stop”, “maybe I am the fool”, “it’s just not meant to be” nonsense floating around in my head.

I think about how easy it would be to finally accept it. How much of a relief it would be to clear my schedule and forgo the stupid dreams I knew were never possible. I think about the bright future I thought I could reach, and then revert to reality and the irrelevant life I’ll undoubtedly live.

That’s when failure loves me. It loves everything about me. From the thoughts I think, to the body language I show, to the way I depress everyone around.

Yeah, that’s when failure knows it has me. And I come to the realization that failure—the thing I would have never committed to before—might be worth giving a shot.

But just when I’m about to choose it for good, I do something failure never expects.

I persevere.

And that is when the thing that loved me so much loses every bit of its mind:

I was so handsome before but now failure abhors me
I must be stupid to ignore something that clearly desires me
And if I’m too stubborn to realize my efforts are a waste, then I’m worth absolutely none of its time

But I never worry. Because I know that she’ll…I mean, it, will come back someday.

“If You Stop Right Now…”

I’m sure you have a similar relationship with failure.

You don’t want anything to do with it, and yet it persistently sneaks back into your life.

So how do make failure think it’s too good for you even though it secretly knows it didn’t have a chance of sticking around?

You do what I do: You persevere.

Because the sheer number of problems you can solve by just sticking it out is incredible:

You bombed your exam and now there’s a chance you’ll lose your scholarship? Persevere.
You’re unhappy in your marriage and think it’s time to split? Persevere.
You’re publicly humiliated in front of 150 of your peers? Per-se-vere.

The discipline to keep trudging on despite the risk of failure makes great men and women.

But let me stop talking about failure so much, because failure is weak. Yes, the odds of it will always be there and it’s consequences are very real, but failure is just the nail in the coffin, the icing on the proverbial cake, and the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Adversity is what really does the trick.

Adversity piles on the trouble, and the stress, and the despair until you’re so discouraged that something as weak as failure looks desirable.

But here’s the good thing about adversity:

It can only stop you if you take it too seriously.

Sure, adversity can bruise you, scratch you, and make you feel pain greater than what you ever imagined—but it can’t end you. The only way it can do that is if you let it.

failure and adversity rain — It’s just a little rain.

And if you think about it that way, adversity isn’t some ladder that leads to failure—it’s just a lesson. A lesson that tells you something’s gotta change. A lesson that says, “If you stop right now, it will not be enough.”

So what do you do when you hear that message?

You listen.

You humble yourself, take the short-term loss, and then plow ahead.

You already know what would happen if you were to stop now. So why don’t you push until you see what isn’t so obvious? Why not keep going until the future becomes the present?

No, it won’t be easy. And I’m sure you’ll try to wish it all away. But contrary to what these law of attraction guys say, adversity isn’t something you merely repel or attract…

It’s an inevitable circumstance you have to endure.

And the way I see it, that circumstance is opportunity in disguise. It’s a chance to see what you’re made of, to discover who really has your back, and to relate with people who can’t connect to those with seemingly perfect lives.

Or to put it a simpler way, adversity is a chance to grow.

The Adversity Curve

An easier way to explain why you should persevere in the face of hard times is to show what I call the Adversity Curve.

It’s a visual display of the trials you experience over time, and it’s an intuitive way to gain a long term perspective towards them:

Here you can see that the curve fluctuates in a predictable pattern over time. The peaks represent the highest points of adversity, while the valleys represent low or even nonexistent amounts of struggle.

In between, you have your transition periods. These are the points in life where you don’t experience the highest points of adversity, but you aren’t exactly free of it either. It’s these transition periods that lead you into or out of each peak or valley.

Now each peak in the curve is what I fittingly call Peak Adversity. And Peak Adversity is where you are driven to your breaking point.

It’s where you want to quit. You want a divorce. You’re suicidal.

These points are some of the toughest parts of life to endure, and it’s where the familiar threat of failure comes along. Failure knows it’s pull is strongest here considering all the experiences that pile up.

But here’s why perseverance is key to avoid failure: the curve always falls.

Sure it may be more volatile depending on the actions you take and the numerous factors outside your control, but generally, the curve will fall back to the mean.

So the key here is to remember that trouble won’t last. If you endure Peak Adversity and outlast failure’s call, there will be brighter days.

Now again, the brightness of those days and the darkness of those peaks may vary, but if you persevere and do everything in your power to improve, you will escape the dark.

So instead of running from adversity, embrace it. Learn from it. Respond to it.

Adversity is inevitable, but if you understand the bigger picture, you’ll be prepared when hard times come.

Even After Seven Times

Now as much as I’m a fan of mental toughness and willpower, I know those two things can only get you so far.

Some of the holes I found myself in required near-miraculous events to escape. And that’s why I got help from elsewhere.

The book of Proverbs shows us a glimpse of this “special” perseverance in chapter 24 and verse 16:

For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again,
But the wicked stumble in time of calamity. (Proverbs 24:16 NASB)

Here we see that the strength, provision, and protection needed to escape adversity aren’t always things you can produce on your own.

And while people who have a right relationship with God may be thoroughly defeated—a point emphasized by the proverb’s use of “seven times”—they’re still given the strength to recover.

This is in contrast to the wicked person who’s doomed to the calamity life brings upon him.

The righteous person has a stronger source to rely on than himself, and this is why he will always have an advantage when adversity strikes.

failure and adversity bible — Where help is found

Now does this mean life will be easy for those who know God? Of course not.

But they can rest assured that the tests of time are nothing to the One who lives outside time itself (Psalm 90:2, Psalm 90:4, 2 Peter 3:8, Psalm 103:17-18).

And this is what the Apostle Paul referred to in his letter to the Philippians, in which he writes:

Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:11-13)

Then later…

And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)

Paul learned to be content in times of both high and low adversity. For one, because his mission required him to do so, but more importantly, because he relied on Someone greater.