I love winning.
I’m very quiet in person, but give me a competition and you’ll see a side of me that isn’t always the nicest.
Even as a kid I had a deep need to compete hidden under a calm exterior. And I guess that’s why my other side is so surprising when it comes out.
You’re probably the same way—you love to win too.
People remember winners. And second place is just the first loser right?
There’s something in our nature that makes us want to stand out. And it’s that same “something” that always makes us fight to get on top—even if we have to step on a few people to get there.
Yesterday I was reading a book that reminded me of that fact.
I enjoy reading about a variety of topics, and the author’s reputation made me think I was in for a good business read. So I sat down with a cup of coffee eager to dive into it.
But after a few chapters in, the book was flat on the ground.
I’m good at filtering material I don’t agree with, but this stuff was beyond trash. This guy was so adamant about getting back at people and winning every argument he was in. I think he actually devoted a whole chapter to that. It was all about trashing others so people would respect the apparent greatness within you.
There’s no doubt this guy knew how to make money, but I couldn’t help thinking that he was a fool. If that’s what you have to do to earn money, I might as well head to the streets right now.
We all prioritize winning so much today, especially here in the US. That’s great when it gets people out of bed. And it’s great when it makes people work towards their goals. But there’s a serious problem with the never-lose mentality.
I know it’s cliché but winning really isn’t everything.
From what I’ve experienced, there’s something more valuable than winning. And that something is called peace.
There’s a time to get angry. There’s a time to fight. There’s even a time to go to war. But if there’s a way to have peace, sign me up.
You Don’t Have to Win
We’ve all been in arguments before. They’re unavoidable at times. You’ll win some you’ll lose some, but either way, something’s always off.
If you lose, you’re a failure. And if you win, you bring that feeling on another person.
Nobody cares how right you are when you have to tear them apart to prove it. So why not find a better way?
I can’t tell you how many times I avoided conflict or ironically won an argument because I valued peace more than proving who was right.
When you stay calm in the face of your aggressors, you’ll settle more arguments than your words ever will.
So when people come in your face fuming with anger, just relax and greet them with simple words. Something like “sure” or “okay” usually works wonders to counter their aggression. Then use that quiet opportunity to present your point without the yelling contest.
Do that and you’ll turn your worst enemies into curious observers. They won’t understand how someone can control their emotions when they’ve clearly lost control of theirs.
Remember, only fools are quick to anger. People who are in control stay calm. People with real strength keep the peace.
There are plenty of “wise” people who say peacemakers are weak, but like most of what those people say, they’re wrong. They’re not mature enough to understand that the good of all is more important than your personal desires.
When you value peace, you’re showing that you’re smart enough to rise above your petty emotions. And when you realize that most people just want a reaction out of you anyway, you won’t fall for those silly traps.
So keep the peace.
Children can have all the chaos they want.
-Drew
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