How to Become an Attractive Man (A Simple Guide to Attraction)

Well this is gonna be fun.

In this post, I’ll show you the secret to become an attractive man. And that of course means that this post is for the guys only.

I don’t normally write for half the population, but I’m a guy, and I can only write from a male perspective here.

So anyway, you might think this topic is a little out of place for this site.

I’d say you’re wrong.

My goal has always been to give you the knowledge to live a life of excellence. And a life of excellence doesn’t have to be a solo.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to attract a girlfriend or wife, or becoming more attractive to the partner you already have. I’m here to help you do just that.

Everything here is due to the help of male mentors, hard experience, and of course, the internet.

Now I know most of the attraction stuff on the internet is awful. It’s either useless, disrespectful, or based on a promiscuous lifestyle—none of which do anything for me.

But that’s why I’m showing you how to do all this without the other junk you’ll find out here. So let’s get started.

Down to a Science

The first thing you need to know is that there are two sides to attraction. There’s conscious attraction and then there’s subconscious attraction. And the two don’t work the same way.

Men have problems understanding this sometimes, so it’s best to look at an example first.

A scantily dressed woman will attract a man’s subconscious for instance, but he may still choose to avoid her because he thinks she’s showing too much skin.

It’s a simple example, but it shows a picture of both sides of attraction at work. Female attraction works in a similar fashion but the female subconscious values different things.

While a man’s subconscious values beauty above all else, a woman’s subconscious values leadership (and its associated traits) the most.

And here’s a solid definition of leadership so we’re on the same page:

Leadership: an influence process that includes behavior that helps clarify a groups purpose or guides the group to achieve its goals

The perceived strength of your leadership will determine how attractive you are.

Now notice I said strength of leadership and not “good” or “bad” leadership. That’s because subconscious attraction is amoral, and I don’t want to confuse you here.

This is a point a lot of nice guys don’t understand, but to put it bluntly, a woman’s subconscious does not care how virtuous you are.

That’s why girls will sometimes be with guys who “aren’t right for her” and are the complete opposite of everything the girl says she’s attracted to. That guy is attractive to her subconscious but not to her conscious choice. And here we see a key point:

The subconscious influence is much stronger than the conscious one.

But you already knew that. That’s why it’s so hard not to look at a girl wearing a revealing outfit. You’re fighting something that’s hard wired into your system.

But like I said earlier, attraction is amoral, and leadership is just a tool. It’s how you use that tool that determines the morality of what you’re doing.

I value a moral lifestyle—not to please people, but because I choose to—so I’ll approach the topic from that angle.

Most guys are good with the conscious side of the coin—they’re nice, stable, enjoy long walks on the beach, etc. But all of that just makes you comfortable to be around, not necessarily attractive.

So I’ll focus on the subconscious part here by showing you three areas where you can improve your leadership.

#1 Physical Appearance

Looks aren’t as important for men as they are to the other side, but they do play a big role in the holistic view of leadership.

Think of it as “looking the part”. A strong leader would have discipline and self-control. And your physical appearance is the easiest way to display those traits.

We all know most of the people in gyms aren’t there for the health benefits. They’re mainly concerned with their appearance. They understand that leadership in the physical area can get you a few stares.

And as a man, the best thing you can do for your looks is getting to a low body fat percentage. Somewhere around 12 percent is the sweet spot. Once you get to that range or close to it, women (and people in general) will pay you more attention.

Take me for example.

I’ve never been into weight lifting so I’m not muscular. I wouldn’t say I’m special in terms of looks either. But any time I’ve been that lean, girls have always shown more interest in me.

This isn’t about fat shaming or being hateful. It’s a matter of health.

If you’re not currently in that body fat range, follow the advice I laid out in this article. It will tell you everything you need to know about fat loss. All you have to do is follow that plan until you get there.

“But how will I know when I’m that lean?”

It’ll be easy to tell.

Your cheeks will sink in and your jawline will straighten out. That leanness of your face will give off the handsome vibe in your appearance.

A lot of normal guys look like models when they reach such a low level of bodyfat. That’s how much fat loss changes your looks.

Just make sure you don’t take things too far though. When random people start handing you sandwiches, you’ll know it’s time to eat more.

After you’ve changed your body, buy some clothes that fit and take care of your basic grooming needs. It’s that easy.

But if you’re a skinny guy, you’ll want to add some form of weight training here too. Otherwise you’ll look like a stick when you’re that lean.

You don’t have to go to a gym though. Lifting at the gym can be a real time suck if you’re not careful. Plus it can make you too conscious of the way look.

I’m personally a fan of calisthenics since you can do them pretty much anywhere. If that’s what you want to do, then I recommend starting with simple things like push-ups, squats, and sprints. Pull-ups are great too and you can buy equipment that lets you do them from the comfort of home.

Once you can do plenty of reps with your body weight, put on a book bag and add some weight to it. Then keep adding more when necessary.

Keep pushing yourself and you’ll force your body to catch up eventually.

#2 Passions and Purpose

I had a friend who used to say that if you wanted to find “the one”, you had to be “the one”. And while I don’t believe in the whole idea of “the one” for reasons I’ll explain later, my friend’s message was spot on.

He encouraged young men to stop chasing girls and to build a life of their own instead.

His advice was to take time alone, go to the wilderness if you have to, and think deeply about what you want to do in life. And then once you’ve found that mission, you can follow it instead. But the funny thing is, you won’t be alone if you do.

The average man is content doing only what he’s told to do. He follows his parents as a child. He follows his teachers in school. And he follows his boss at work. But he never takes the time to see what he actually wants.

He only plays by the script. And when you play by the script, there’s no adventure, no excitement, no proactiveness.

It’s boring.

Think on your own for a change. What do you want to do? What are you passionate about? How can you make a difference?

You don’t have to do anything grand, but just having goals will separate you from the sea of people drifting through life. And your new drive that comes from having a purpose will be unmistakable.

Doing this won’t just make you part of something greater than yourself. It will allow her to come along for the ride too. She’ll be able to get lost in your world, not the other way around.

So many men today have lives that revolve around women. And that’s usually because they don’t have anything better to do.

Just think about what the average guy says when he’s in a relationship: She’s his everything, his soulmate, his better half. He’s sooooo lucky to have her because no one is worthy of her presence.

(Yeah, I just threw up a little too.)

Women don’t want to be your everything—at least not the sane ones. They want a man who has an identity of his own.

Ideals like soulmates and “the one” are very misleading, and they put way too much pressure on the other person involved.

What’s ironic is that most guys even realize that the times they were indifferent towards girls were when they were most attractive to them. That’s not a disrespect thing, it’s just that when you’re focused on your own life, you can potentially bring more value to a future spouse than any guy whose focus suffocates her.

Chasing you’re dream and bringing her along is leadership. Doing everything in your power to please her is appeasement.

Guess which one is more attractive.

#3 Character

Character is a broad area so I’ll stick to the general idea here.

The main thing to understand is that men and women love differently. Men love in the more conventional and idealistic sense, but with women, it’s more about respect.

So how do you get that respect from people?

You act like someone worthy of it.

And if you’re anything like the average man, that means you can’t “just be yourself.” You have to become someone who’s capable of leading others.

That may sound like a huge task, but it really comes down to simple stuff like how you frame questions for example.

Don’t ask questions like, “Where do you want to eat?” It’s too open ended and puts the burden of decision making on her.

Instead ask something like, “I was thinking about McDonald’s or Burger King tonight, what do you think?”

You’re still giving her a choice of where to go, but you’ve lessened the decision making by narrowing the choices already. Again, it’s a subtle change but the second question shows more leadership than the first.

Also, learn how to be more direct in your communication and don’t be afraid to confront people directly. You need to be able to tell someone “no”.

I’m not saying you should start fights with others—that shows a lack of control—but you should be firm and direct with what you say. Passive aggression is for the weak.

Sometimes your partner, or other people you know, will just need to be told to calm down. Not in a domineering way, and not in an appeasing way either. But with a delivery that says, “You need to relax, this is nothing to get worked up about”.

Doing that will show confidence (you stood up to an emotional tantrum) and apparent competence (you’ve seemingly been here before and you know it’s not the end of the world).

Any respected leader would have those traits. And you just displayed both in a simple response.

Now compare that with what the average guy would do—he would empathize too much with her emotions.

While showing understanding is good in small doses, doing it too much makes you a shared victim to the event. And after a while, people will view you as a dumpster for their emotions instead of the leader who can help solve the problem. That’s when attraction fizzles out.

You have to recognize the difference between a rational statement and an emotional one, and then refuse to let emotional outbursts control you. If someone wants to talk to you, they can do it in a calm way, but you can’t allow them to dump their feelings onto you.

I know that sounds mean, but you can’t take people’s emotions so seriously. Emotions are fluid and it’s pointless to care so much about things that always change.

Remember, her respect for you is more important than how she feels about you.

Yes, it’s counterintuitive, but if you ever have to choose between appeasing her emotions and acting in a respect-worthy manner, always choose the latter. It may hurt in the short term but her feelings for you will greatly improve over time.

This will be tough for the undisciplined, but once you learn to control your own emotions, it will be easy to recognize when others need to control theirs. And when you get really good at all this, it’ll be fun—almost like a game.

So remember that you want to be a rock in emotional storms. When you show others that you’re confident and controlled in your actions, they’ll show you the respect you deserve.

Playing Defense

It would be unfair to tell you all this without giving a few words of warning too.

It’s unfortunate that you have to “play defense”, for lack of a better term, but that’s the world we live in. And good honey does attract flies after all.

You don’t want to hurt people but you do want to look out for your own interests. You can’t let people who would otherwise ignore you make you feel obligated to be in a relationship.

It’s good to have a sense of duty and a desire to help others, but that commitment belongs to your future spouse and family, not the first person who shows interest.

When some of these girls complain about a lack of commitment, what they really want is for you to commit after they’ve done anything they want.

These are the people you want to avoid. They’ve already framed the relationship as being all about her instead of being a complementary union.

It can be hard to tell who these girls are at first, but fortunately, most girls today obsess over social media and they’ll gladly give themselves away.

You should never get with a woman out of fear, obligation, or guilt. Healthy relationships have a better foundation than that.

And please don’t waste time trying to prove yourself to anyone. If you have to do everything just to get the smallest response from a girl, find someone else. A girl who’s really into you will be happy to talk, excited even. It won’t feel like a Broadway audition.

Also, please familiarize yourself with BPD and other Cluster B personality disorders. Trust me, you don’t want experience to teach you about those.

I’m not trying to stigmatize mental illness here, in fact I’d be the last person to do so, but people who display those traits need much more help than the average man can give. And in most cases it just makes sense to walk away.

Remember that you don’t have to qualify for a woman’s approval. If you find yourself acting out of fear and constantly trying to appease someone, just move on.

Again, YOUR interests are important too. Anyone who forces you to act in their best interests while only paying lip service to yours does not love you. They are abusing you.

The time to decide what you’re willing to accept comes before you meet someone who forces you to do so.

Our culture has created so many damaged relationships by brainwashing men to think women can do no wrong.

Don’t believe that lie for a second.

It’s somehow become normal not to hold women accountable for their actions. Which means if you’re the rare man who does, you’re gonna look like the bad guy.

But who cares?

True equality is about treating people fairly regardless of who they are. And that includes more than just desirable treatment.

If you’re giving people passes simply because they were born with a different set of tools, you’re only adding to the problem.

Now I know this all sounds like an anti-woman rant, but this shouldn’t make you bitter towards the opposite sex either. It should make you realistic in your interactions with them.

Women are flawed people just like you, and you’d be surprised by what some of them are capable of. But don’t let that fact make you blind to the ones actually worth investing in. Sometimes you just need to give the shy girl a chance instead of always picking the head-turner.

Be a man who looks for more than a pretty face (e.g. honesty, self-control, diligence). Learn how to be comfortable alone if you’re not already. And remember to set boundaries and expectations as needed. Hurt feelings now are always better than a ruined life later.

Be Strong, Choose Wisely

So there you have it. Focus on these three areas to become the attractive man I know you can be.

I guarantee that all this will work for you. In fact, you should be more concerned about it working too well. But either way, let me know how it goes.

Oh, and for all the ladies who read this despite what I said earlier, I’d like to hear your thoughts too.

-Drew